If you really knew me, You would know I don’t care what people think of me, I strive to be different and I am extremely independent. You would know that I hate trends. I do things for the sole purpose of standing out. You would also know that I get crazy and love being with my friends but also love my alone time and that I do not let other people influence my decisions and choices. I don’t care if you love me or hate me everyone has their own opinions.
I got the most amazing surprise today!! I was just hanging out in my room talking to my mom when one of my roomies came home. She walks in my room with like 4 adorable bags and says I get to pick whichever one I want! They were all soooo cute! I guess her mom took a trip to London and found them there and decided to bring them back for us. It was so nice of her!!!
This is the one I chose :)
It is so cute!!!!
It’s brown leather with a rhinestone ring on one of the straps. It looks pretty small for a tote, but opens up to be huge! It has a zipper at the top so I can close it if I need and it has three big compartments in it with a zipper compartment and two other little ones in the main part.
I realized today that I am definitely an arguer. I should become a lawyer because I fight and argue about everything. And it drives me crazy when people look at me like I’m retarded for saying something. When I talk to people who have opinions about everything (like me) I get so frustrated, because usually opinions don’t agree. well, not usually, but a lot of times. And when I disagree with something, I argue harder, like my life depends on it. That was a little exaggerated, but you know what I mean. I don’t know why people think I’m passive. I guess it’s who I’m around. But I am definitely not someone who is going to let someone say something that pisses me off and say nothing to come back at it.
yep, I should be a lawyer….too bad law school=life in school
if you really knew me, you would know that I worry so much that I can make myself sick. you would know that I cry myself to sleep a lot, and nothing anyone I can say can make me feel any better. you would know that I’m more satisfied in my dreams than in reality, which is why I would rather sleep than be awake. I would rather dream up higher fantasies than live in the ones I have already created. and you would know, that there isn’t a single thing in my life that I regret.
What to write about? I’m so ready to go home for winter break. I miss everything about home. I actually miss having my family around all of the time. I miss having Alex so close. I can’t wait to be back to familiar territory. I have always been a home body. And being this far away for so long is hard. I want to go back to the reasons I say the word "love."
I have so many things in my life that God has so graciously blessed me with. I couldn’t ask for any more. Even when things are hard, I still can look at me life and be so grateful for the people and opportunities around me.
I am first and foremost thankful for my family. I have been blessed with such amazing parents. And even though we don’t see eye to eye on every detail of life, I still love them so so much. They are the reason I am living my dream here in Hawaii and I would not be the person I am today without them.
Secondly, I am so thankful for my boyfriend. I don’t think anyone on this earth will ever love someone as much as he loves me. He has had so many things to worry about in his life, but still manages to put all of the focus on other people. He treats me like a true princess and I could not ask for a better person to be with. He is my world and I absolutely adore him.
I am so so so grateful for my cheer team, both Hawaii and Portland State. These people have changed my life. Without my PSU team, I would not be in Hawaii. They have taught me everything I know and have supported me through everything. And my Hawaii cheer team is my second family. They are so extremely supportive and inspiring. They make me believe I can be so much better than I am and they make me want to strive for more.
I am so extremely thankful for my friends. A handful in particular that I can honestly say have been there for me through it all. These people are the people who see a sad face as my facebook status and immediately text me. They’re the ones who know me inside and out and still love me enough to stick around. They are the people I can be my complete self around. I have such an amazing group of people I call my friends and I appreciate them all so so much.
And then such little things in my life that have been such blessings. My job back home is something I will always be grateful for. My managers have told me time and time again that I will always have my job waiting for me when I come home for breaks. My 4 cats who, whether they know it or not, are such a big source of comfort for me when I’m upset. And the talent and motivation God has given to me to be the absolute best I can be. Without Him, I would be lost. That is definitely not a “little thing.” God is everything and without Him, I am nothing.
omg everyone’s statuses on facebook all are about going home for thanksgiving. I just want to be like SHUT UP! I get to spend the whole weekend by myself because no one even offered to hang out with me. So everyone just please keep your excitement to yourselves :(
My mom is the best person in the entire world. She sends me monthly care packages with little goodies and things I need. Which is amazing! She’s sent me bowls, cereal, candy, containers, etc. It’s always so exciting to get a package from home.
Today, i got my “thanksgiving” care package. Which has been the best one yet :) It had 2 iphone cases, Mini Wheats, another bowl, candy, an air freshener, and a bunch of Philosophy stuff. It made my day!
I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate the things she does for me. I have never seen another mom do nearly as much as my mom does for me. She is the most amazing person in this world and I am so thankful to have her in my life!
It’s late and I’m worn out. But I can’t sleep. So I decided to read some of my old posts from awhile back. It’s crazy reading all of the posts talking about moving here. How hard I worked getting better at running. And how excited I was to be coming here. It’s also crazy to read the posts about Alex. He is the main topic of conversation in my posts. And to see all the hardships I talk about and how much I loved him makes me fall in love even more. It truly strengthens my belief that we can make it through anything.
It’s weird to be able to go back and recap you growing as a person. And all of the ups and downs along your journey. Brings back memories.
You know you love someone when they enter your thought right when you need someone. When you miss them every second you aren’t together. When you go through their facebook pictures over and over even though you’ve already seen them a million times. You know you love someone when you would do anything to see them happy. And when you are able to look beyond their imperfections and still see a beautiful and wonderful person.
This is going to sound like dumbest and corniest post ever….just a warning.
So today started off good. I did 3 videos for my Youtube channel and got them posted, which made me happy. I had a free day to do whatever I wanted and just relax. Well, I thought it was going to be relaxing. But a phone call turned today into yet another nightmare. I had to fight, again, for my relationship. I had to stand up for myself, completely alone and without any understanding. And by the end of the conversation, I was in complete hysteria. I knew it would happen again, but for me to be this upset every other day is exhausting.
But that’s not the dumb and corny part….
I decided to watch a movie in bed to calm myself down and try to relax. I picked The Notebook, because i hadn’t watched it in forever and forgot a lot of the story’s details. And while I watched it, everything went away. The story is so much like what I’m going through. Girl following her dreams falls in love with the boy who her parents think is wrong for her. They try and get her to realize that she can do better when all she wants is to be with him. The only thing that’s different about the movie and my story is that in the movie, they break off their relationship. And I’m not giving in. But the whole story line gave me hope that my relationship with Alex can work out. It’s going to take work, but we can fight through it together.
”So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day”
I don’t know what to do anymore. I either do what makes me happy and follow my own heart, but in doing so, lose all support. Or I do what other people want and lose the happiness I have now. Either way, I’m miserable. Either way, I lose.