I’m in such a down mood :/ Me and my closest roommate got into an argument. About something so stupid. And I guess I was in the wrong because my other roommate ganged up on me. I hate feeling alone. Especially being so far away from home. I was finally starting to be ok with the distance between me and home. I got super close to my roommates. But now I feel like I can’t say anything because it’s going to be wrong or make me feel like this again. I feel like no one likes me anymore. After the argument I left the room and came into mine and just cried. I want to go home so badly :( I miss my boo, my parents, meghan and rachelle, my cheer friends. Especially now that this happened. I feel like I don’t have them as friends anymore. It’s probably stupid. But i keep getting myself so worked up that I start crying over and over again :/
This is such a random post. I just needed to vent….
I can’t wait to get married. Beautiful church. Princess gown. Flowers. Cake. Family and friends. It’s all so beautiful to me. And more than anything, I can’t wait to have those church doors open and see you, my future, waiting for me. <3
I dont know what to do. I’ve tried everything and have gotten little to no response. There is no effort. And it’s all my fault. I let you slip away. I could have treated you better. But I never thought it would be like this. I thought you loved me more than anything, anyone. But it feels so one sided now. I would do anything to fix it. And the smallest conversation with you would be able to fix everything. But we haven’t talked in a week. And the pain gets worse each day. I love you. I always will. I pray that this is not the end. But it feels like it is…..
I would give up anything to have your love back :(
This isn’t right. It’s not what it should be. I look at myself and see only half of what I am. Because without you here, I cannot be complete. I hear your voice on the phone, read your messages, and wonder. I remember how it feels to be surrounded in your arms. To feel the warmth of your smile.
The other night brought nightmares. I tossed and turned and woke up countless times wishing I could speak to you. I still don’t know what happened. The words were harsh. The emotions were painful. Your beautiful personality disappeared and darkness filled its place. And it replays in my head like my favorite song. I have no way to fix it, no way to get to you. So I sit here, praying that it will go away. Hoping that you will come back.
This cannot be the end. I know it can’t be. But the vision haunts me. And you are the only one who can make it go away. I need you. To make me feel loved again. Wanted. Worth something.
So I’ve recently made amends with someone. Someone that used to be really important to me. Someone that at one point, I thought we would always be friends, and at another, thought we would never speak again. It’s hard sometimes to look beyond the previous situations. But I know that no one will ever get anywhere in this world without the ability to forgive and move on. I now realize that I needed all of the things that happened to help me appreciate what I had before all of it and what I am so lucky to still have now. I was convinced by others that I needed to be single and date other people. But I know now that I have the one person I need for the rest of my life. There is no one that compares to him. No one ever will. Even being this far away, I can truly say that I will never love someone as much as I love him. And I am also grateful to have this friend back. We will never again be how we were during that time. And not only are we ok with that, but we are happy that we realized what we want. I want friendship and I finally believe he does too. And friendship is enough. I am so happy his relationship worked out. And I am so grateful that mine did. I finally feel like the air is clear and I can be content with everything now.
I’m bored in class and decided to post because I haven’t in awhile.
I have recently been having a hard time with cardio at practice and it was frustrating me so much. I had worked y body to be able to run 5 miles without stopping and now I cant run 2 laps without being winded. It made me so mad that I went to the student health center on campus and got checked. Turns out I have severe iron deficiency (anemia). I knew something was wrong. But this is ridiculous. It’s going to take 3 months to get my iron levels back up which means our runs before practice aren’t going to get any easier for a long time. It definitely bummed me out.
Besides the running, practices are going good. My skills are all improving extremely quick and I love all of the new stuff we are learning. The team is awesome and I love being a part of it.
I’ve been missing alex a lot lately :( he didnt have his phone for a week and I got super lonely when I couldn’t talk to him. He has it back now, but I wish he was here with me. I miss spending time with him.
Meghan is here though! It’s a lot of fun. I feel bad because my schedule is so busy and she hasn’t gotten a chance to really go out. But tomorrow we are going to the beach, señor frogs, and a haunted house. So that will be a lot of fun. I hope shes having fun because I’d feel so bad if she didn’t.
I’m getting a moped! I went and looked at them yesterday. I have to wait for my loan to come through but I am so excited. I think I’m gonna get a black one. That way I can put a Hawaii sticker on it without it clashing lol. Mopeds are so popular here and I can’t way to have a way to get around.
I can’t wait for winter break. I miss home soooooo much. I want to see my kitties, my parents, alex, psu cheer, my coworkers from claim jumper, and just have a little break from everything. I love being here. But sometimes I wish I could go home for a weekend or something. It’s not always fun being this far away. But I’m so thankful for this opportunity. I know I will always remember everything I’m going through now.